Discovering your Love Languages, and finding the one that speaks for you

There are millions of ways to say I love you. Different international languages, signs; actions, but what one means the most to you? Love Languages are the different ways people receive and express love in all relationships; not just romantic ones. Knowing the love languages of those around you may improve the quality of your relationships, because you know exactly what the other person needs and they you. You're able to understand each other better and comfortably express your feelings better also.

5 Special Ways

There are 5 Love Languages, and whilst they all ultimately equate to the same thing, they’re all completely different!

Acts of Service - Doing selfless activities for the other person that you know they may enjoy or to make their life easier.

Words of Affirmation - Verbal communication showing encouragement, appreciation, love, etc.

Quality Time - Giving someone your undivided attention and time.

Physical Touch - Physical connection through kissing, holding hands or hugging and general closeness (not necessarily romantic or sexual).

Gift Giving - Purchasing a gift for someone at any opportunity simply because you know they may enjoy it.

You can read deeper into each individual language on the rest of the series on The Archives.

Because of…

The Love Language you truly desire isn’t something you necessarily decide. Speaking to psychologists, it’s understood that the ones we fall into are a result of our childhoods, and the way in which love was demonstrated to us growing up. For instance, if you were gifted quite frequently as a child, even outside of birthdays and special occasions, gift giving is likely the language you’re most drawn to. In the same breathe, if there was a lack of verbal expression, you may not particularly need this in your adult life, as it's difficult to crave what you don’t know or have never experienced before. On the other side, what you didn’t receive growing up, yes you may not desire it as it's unfamiliar to you but you could also want it the most due to your individual personality and needs. Perhaps you were raised to be independent; always on your own: Quality time may be your love language because you always felt lonely, but because you grew up in independence, you could also value your own space and thus not highly regard “quality time”. In a nutshell, we subconsciously associate feeling with action.

Treat others how THEY wish to be Treated

Remember that your languages may not be exactly the same as your partner or friend. This is okay and of course things can still work out, but it’s very common for individuals to push their love languages on to the other person. This is the wrong thing to do and can be detrimental to any kind of relationship as the other person may not feel seen, heard or even loved. Instead, take the time to understand them. Understanding the Love Languages of those in your life is vital to a successful relationship. It’s like unlocking a whole new level because yes you can love and treat them in a way familiar to you, but knowing their needs and acting accordingly makes it even deeper; especially when their love languages are completely different to your own. This helps in time of resolution as we all need different things when getting over distress. Maybe you've had a massive blow out and you need verbal assurance that everything will still be okay, but he needs space - knowing from early on saves a lot of upset later.

Love Languages stem beyond romantic relationships, and is just as important in friendships and even the workplace too, as you’ll understand how to productively communicate with one another (although I'm not sure how well that will sit with HR).

When someone asks "What is your love language", you don't have to choose just one. They are all forms of communication so typically they all apply to everyone; you may just value some higher than others. In this series, we discover all the love languages and who knows, maybe you’ll find the one that perfectly describes what you're needing...