Accepting the end of a friendship, and learning how to move on
Friendship breakups cut a little deeper than romantic relationships because the ties are little different. This person was your childhood best friend, a member of your family and someone you never imagined life without; now all of a sudden they’re gone. Maybe you met not too long ago but your connection made you absolutely inseparable. However you formed or the duration of the friendship, you have every right to feel. There’s so much advice about getting over a romantic relationship, but what about the friends you’ve lost along the way?
Acceptance
Like any other ending, it’s best to accept that it’s over. That’s obviously much easier said than done but replaying every moment, memory and experience in your head will only mentally drain you. A final; civil conversation is a great starting point so you have full clarity, but it may not be an option for everyone. In that case, you may have to sit with your own thoughts and begin your acceptance journey alone. A good start is understanding this:
Consider your life like a train with many stations to pass through. The train has to stop at every station and therefore someone has to get off. This basically means that people will come and go out of your life for whatever reason, and that’s not something you can control…it’s life! The sooner you understand that, the easier this will be.
Reflection
During this time, of course you’ll look back over your time in the friendship. It’s common to drastically focus on the lows, but don’t forget that you once had something special enough to call each other friends. Instead: Write a list about everything you gained from the friendship and all the lessons you learned. They taught you to be patient, to be kind. They supported you through a tough time. In such a negative time, emphasise the positives and consider how you can carry those into the rest of your life and future friendships to come.
Old Friends, New Friends
This experience may have opened your eyes to things you didn’t consider previously and as such: you’re now analysing everything and everyone around you. This isn’t necessarily bad, but be sure not to push everyone else away just because of the overwhelming emotions.
Moving On
Depending on the circumstances, you may not feel comfortable moving on. You can’t trust anyone again, or feel as though nothing will ever compare to what you had with them, but that’s not necessarily true. It’s normal to be hesitant after “losing” someone, but don’t let this eat you up and slow down your journey. The same way people get off your life train, new passengers have to get on, so be open to accepting them and letting them in.
In the same breathe, don’t force things. Whilst you’re left with a hole in your heart, don’t try to fill it with empty air for the sake of not feeling lonely or “needing” friends. Let things happen organically. They entered your life at some point and eventually someone else will too. Just leave it to chance.
People come and go, and thats not in your control. Accept the end has come, keep the fond memories in your heart but don’t be afraid to move on. There’s so much life to live and people you’ll meet so be grateful of the connections you make throughout your life and don’t be afraid of saying goodbye.
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