Tell me how you feel…

Understanding and getting comfortable with “Words of Affirmation”, from the Love Languages series, and those 3 magic words

Who doesn’t love to hear how amazing they are? All the praise. The adoration. Words of affirmation are often so overlooked because we speak to everyone everyday but it’s so much deeper and can be done in so many ways!

What is it?

Words of affirmation revolves around verbal communication, and are positive words that share your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. This could be as simple as saying “I love you” or praise for something they’ve done well. Again, this doesn’t have to be only in a romantic relationship, you’re just uplifting someone; sharing what your heart feels. 

Is this your love language?

If this is your primary love language, you tend to notice the smaller details in the lives of others, and know what to say to make people feel better. You’re the cheerleader and the deep thinker and you appreciate raw emotion. 

Ways to share

Since we’re all glued to our phones, it feels like sending a text is the only way to communicate how you feel. If you’re just getting comfortable expressing your feelings, this is a great option as you can send the message, throw your phone somewhere and completely forget the bold step you’ve just taken(as we’ve all done many a time). If however you’re a pro; a young Shakespeare, try something new! Texts can be boring. You’re sharing a piece of your heart with this person, it’s special so treat it as such and go that extra mile. I’m not saying train a carrier dove to deliver a quill written message to their doorstep, but consider a note or a letter. Something they can pick up and read forever, as opposed to scrolling through endless messages to find again. It may seem or sound like a lot of effort, but knowing you’ve made the step may mean even more to them, but also yourself as you’re holding your feelings to a higher standard. 

Speaking is also extremely vital! Tone and meaning can easily get lost when reading, so consider saying how you feel directly to their face. In that moment you can literally feel the love in the room and so much more can be drawn. It’s an extra level to the uplift. 

What if you can't?

All of this is much easier said than done and a lot can get in the way. As mentioned, perhaps you’re not used to verbally expressing your feelings so it all feels a little daunting. Instead of letting the pressure consume you, drown out the “what ifs” and seconds guesses. Focus on your feelings in that moment and listen to only that. Say how you feel quickly before you even have a chance to overthink it. 

If you’re not great with words, make that clear to the other person as this can often be misconstrued of not feeling at all. It may not be easy putting how you feel into words so make that clear, but don’t just sit on your hands and let it be, there’s space to learn and grow. Start with what you’re comfortable with: maybe just saying “I appreciate you” and honestly just use your imagination lol. It may sound weird or random at first, but if that’s how you feel, it’s special and whoever it’s directed to will appreciate it regardless. 

Examples to consider:

“You mean so much to me”.  “Thank you for….”    “I’m so lucky to have you”.    “I’m so proud of you”.    “You’re so special”.   “You’re doing amazing” 

People often live by “they know how I feel”, but in reality…they might not know!! Yes you may show your feelings in other ways, but everyone loves a bit of praise and hearing how someone feels. Make someone’s day special and TELL them how you feel! 

Happy Valentine’s Day <3

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