Navigating through the end of a relationship and everything that comes after
At this point, I imagine you've shut yourself out from the world, attempting to heal the last of your broken heart. One day you were falling asleep on FaceTime, planning your entire future together; the next you're strangers again; stuck with the longing memory of what once was. Instead of finding answers at the bottom of a tub of Ben and Jerrys Cookie Dough ice cream (the best flavour!!), here's how to really get over a break up...
Mourning
One thing I vividly remember from my last heartbreak was people telling me it would be okay. Of course I appreciated the support, but hearing those 4 words seemed to make everything worse some how. In fact, speaking to so many people and listening to their break up stories, has taught me that 'it will be okay' is unanimously the worst thing you could hear after your hearts just been aggressively stomped on. Although it comes from a place of love, it floats this cloud of expectation: the need to “get over it” and “move on” (especially when you’re young), but you’ll never really heal that way. You devoted a lot of time, and a lot of yourself into the relationship, so don’t just get over it. Mourn what once was, even if it was just a small fling or talking stage, and give yourself the space and time to digest what happened, before you attempt to build yourself back up. The only thing that could really be said is not to dwell on this situation and this feeling. Accept how you feel but don't wallow in self pity, you wont heal this way either.
For the grown people or those with real lives and real responsibilities, the 3 day rule might be your perfect solution. This essentially means only allowing yourself 3 days to get over the relationship. Day 1 is dedicated to you; allowing yourself to be sad and whatever else you're feeling. You can do all your stalking, ranting and crying in that day. Day 2 is for acceptance. Here you start to make sense of the situation and come to grips with the reality that it's over. We are NOT, I repeat NOTTTT reaching out to the ex at any point in these 3 days for "closure". Not only will that slow down the process, but we all know what "closure" really means hun. Day 3; the final day is rebuilding. Go back to your normal routine, do things dedicated to making you happy. This isn't pretending like nothing happened! It means taking back the life that's yours. Whilst this is a rushed job, I think this works if you literally do not have the time to dedicate to getting over the situation. The process of the 3 day rule works for the normal healing process too, I guess we can consider it the 3 phases instead. Take as much time as you need, but splitting it into parts makes it all easier to digest.
Reinvention
Changing who you are after a break up isn't completely unheard of. If you've watched any bildungsroman to ever be made, you're probably already familiar with: the broken heart turned revenge body and 6 figure business concept. And whilst there's nothing wrong with using your sadness as ammo for a new and improved life, don't get sucked into the fantasy that it needs to be that extreme. Of course, you may find satisfaction in a new look, maybe he preferred you as a brunette, but you always wanted to be a blonde? orrrr maybe she loved a dad bod, but you're one instagram reel away from a gymshark sponsorship....Just make sure you're doing it for you!! You spent the entirety of the relationship always having to think about someone else, you can now be selfish and unapologetically do what makes you happy and what you really want without the consequences of others and their expectations.
Reflection
Changes you make coming out of a relationship don't necessarily have to be physical. For whatever reason it ended, you (hopefully!) realised a lot about yourself that you otherwise wouldn't have considered. Are you more forgiving? More loyal? Kind? Maybe you were quick to snap at little things but they've taught you patience. Regardless of what, If you take anything from the relationship, continue building on that, because not only will it help in your next relationship, it will benefit you also!
In the same breathe, there's a chance the relationship turned you into a person you didn't want to become. This happens for all sorts of reasons, but the important thing is getting back to who you were before. If this is you, don't be too hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and bridge the gap between old you, new you and the you to come.
Moving on after a relationship unfortunately isn't as easy as "forgive and forget". You'll get there one day, but take the necessary steps to build yourself back to who you were, or hopefully, an even better version of you! Whilst it seems hard now, keep taking your time and do whatever YOU need. Trust in you!